Breaking
by cybertoothtiger
Summary: Jack and Teri's relationship and breakup preDay 1. Includes some songfic. Characters: Jack, Teri, Kim, Nina, Walsh. Final chapters now up. Happy New Year, and thanks for reading!
1. Chapter 1

Teri woke to the clang of a garbage can being knocked over and tires screeching. A car door slammed. _What the_? She went to the window and peered out. Jack's SUV was parked crookedly in the driveway, and the man himself was…_Peeing in the bushes_? He shook himself off and stumbled towards the house. She could hear faint snatches of singing.

_If I could read your mind, love_

_What a tale your thoughts could tell…_

Gordon Lightfoot? Okay, that was just weird. She hadn't listened to him for years, and Jack had never been a big fan. He tripped on the patio step, knocking over a watering can. "Shhhhhh.."

_Jus' like a paper back novel,_

_The kind the drugstores sell._

The screen door opened, and she could hear him fumbling at the lock to the back door.

_And when you reach the part_

_Where the heartaches start_

_The hero would be me…_

He was in the kitchen, banging open cupboards. She went down the hall, furious. He was mopping up some water he'd spilled when she flicked on the light.

"Jack."

His head swiveled. "Oh, hey, sweetheart."

"Jack, be quiet! Do you want to wake Kim?" She was amazed he could even stand.

"Right! Right. Shhhhh…" He moved his finger to his lips with some difficulty and stumbled over to her, backing her towards the bedroom.

"Please tell me you didn't drive yourself home."

"Nah, baby. I didn't drive – I _flew_." He leaned back, spreading his arms. "I fuckin' _flew_." He chuckled.

"Jack! You could have killed someone." Teri felt sick to her stomach. She'd never seen him like this.

He stared at her. "I could have…" He tossed his head back and laughed again, wildly, manically. "I could have _killed _someone." He threw up his hands. "Oops! Dead." The motion knocked him off balance and he reached out for the wall to support himself but missed, his shoulder falling against it with a thud. "Wouldn't want anyone to get _killed_. That would be baaaaad." Jack laughed until the tears started running down his face. He wiped his eyes with the back of his hand as his laugh grew ragged, almost like sobbing.

Teri could not believe what she was seeing. Who was this man? What had he done with Jack? Her husband had gone away to "training" a few months ago, and she hadn't seen him since. She missed him so much she ached, and it was getting more and more difficult to live with the person who'd come home in his place.

Jack took a deep breath and blearily tried to focus on her. His eyes were strange – glassy and dead-looking. "Man, you look _awesome._ C'mere, baby." He steadied himself off the wall and stepped towards her. He reached one hand under her t-shirt as he sloppily tried to kiss her. She pushed him away.

"God, Jack. You smell awful."

"Aw, c'mon. Don't you want a little fun?" He grabbed for her ass.

She pushed him away again, harder this time. "Where the hell have you been? It's three in the morning!"

"Out. Around." He shrugged elaborately and tried to kiss her again.

"Stop it." Her tone pulled him up short. Anger flashed in his eyes and he raised his hand to the back of her neck, gripping it firmly.

"What's the matter? Can't a man make love to his _wife_?"

"Stop it, Jack. You're scaring me." Teri slapped his hands off of her and took a step back, her face twisted in fear. Jack's hand fell back to his side. He slumped against the wall, crumpling down until he was sitting on the floor, head resting on his knees.

"Shit, Teri. I'm sorry."

Teri opened the linen closet beside her and tossed a pillow and blanket at him. "I think you'd better stay out here tonight."

He nodded, reaching for them, afraid to look at her. "I'm so sorry."

"I'm going back to bed. We'll talk in the morning." She almost ran to the bedroom. The click of the lock was the sharpest sound he had ever heard.

He stared at the floor of the hallway, singing in a soft whisper to himself.

…_But heroes often fail._

_And you won't read that book again_

_Because the end _

_Is just too hard to take._

Clutching the pillow and blanket, he crawled to the couch and managed to pull himself onto it. He lay there, staring across the room at the family pictures that lined the shelves, barely visible in the darkness.


	2. Chapter 2

He woke up early. He didn't want Kim to see him sleeping on the couch. At first he was relieved that his head wasn't throbbing, but he quickly realized all that meant was that he must still be a little drunk. _Crap, Bauer. This is not smart. Pull yourself together._ At least he didn't have to work until the late shift today.

He started the coffee maker and moved about the kitchen, closing the cupboards and tidying up the mess he had left last night. Through the window, he caught a glimpse of his SUV parked crookedly in the driveway. His picked up his keys from the counter. His hand was on the door handle when Teri came into the kitchen.

"Going somewhere?"

Head down, he closed his eyes for a moment until the wave of shame subsided. "I'm going to move my vehicle before Kim sees it."

"Good. The last thing a teenage girl needs is for her father to set a bad example for her." Teri bit her lip. That had come out a little bitchier than she intended. Jack didn't look at her as he yanked open the door, his embarrassment cloaked as annoyance. "I _know_, Teri."

xxxxxx

The hot water of the shower pounded over his back, numbing him as it washed away the smells of the bar. He toweled himself off and wiped the steam away from the mirror with his hand. The man staring back at him looked haggard, and Jack found he couldn't meet him in the eye.

Teri was waiting for him when he came into the living room. "Jack, we need to talk."

For a second he wished he did have to go to work early. "I know," he replied softly, sitting at the other end of the couch. She stared straight ahead, unable to meet his gaze.

"I can't do this anymore, Jack."

He was shocked. He knew last night had been bad, but he'd expected a lecture, not this. "Teri, I – "

Teri wiped the corner of her eye with her hand. She didn't want him to see her cry.

"No, I've tried. I've really tried, Jack. But something's wrong and you won't tell me what it is." Her words came out in a rush. "You've been cold, and distant. You've been staying out late and you're drinking more than I've ever seen you. Last night – "

"I'm sorry about last night," he interrupted. "Teri, I'm so sorry. I would never hurt you."

She turned her head, glaring at him. "Really, Jack? Because you have. You are." The tears welled up in her eyes.

Her words knocked the wind out of him. He knew he should go to her, find a way to comfort her, but he was struggling just to breathe. She misinterpreted his silence, and she felt anger pushing out her sorrow. "I think we need some time apart," she said flatly.

His head snapped up. "What?"

"I didn't recognize the man who walked through that door last night. And he scared me, Jack.

He clenched his jaw, barely concealing his frustration. "Dammit, Teri, I said I was sorry."

"Oh, so _swearing _at me is supposed to make me feel better, now?"

He sprang to his feet, turning on her. "What do you want from me? What do you _fucking_ want me to do? I am trying here, dammit."

"_You're_ trying?" She was on her feet as well. "You're _trying_? Look at yourself, Jack. I don't even think you realize how much you've changed." She searched his face, then turned, defeated. "I have to think about Kim. If you're going to lose it, I don't want it to be around us."

He rubbed his forehead. The headache was starting to kick in. "Fine. You're right, _as always_." His sarcasm cut into her. "I'll go."

"Thank you." She whispered. He was appalled at the relief in her voice.

Gently, she asked, "So who is going to tell Kim?" For once in a long time, he felt like he knew the right answer.

"I will."

But he was wrong. Again.

"No." She spoke firmly, coldly. "I think you should be gone before she gets home from school."

Is this how it was going to be? Everything they had been through together, and it was going to end like this? "Fine."

"Today, Jack."

"Sure, yeah, I guess so." He sighed, suddenly feeling overwhelmingly tired. "I guess that's for the best."

"For the best? None of this is for the _best_, Jack."

xxxxx

She was gone. Jack watched her leave, then covered the distance to the liquor cabinet in three determined strides. The decanter rattled against the glass as he poured out two thick fingers of scotch. Raising the glass to his lips, he found himself face to face with a photograph of his mother. His father's voice rang in his head. "So this is how you cope? God, woman, you are pathetic. Only the weakest find strength in the bottom of a bottle."

Jack hesitated, then raised the glass. _Dammit!_ The sound of the glass shattering against the wall was strangely satisfying. Even though he knew it meant he now had yet one more mess to clean up.

_I never thought I could act this way  
And I've got to say that I just don't get it  
I don't know where we went wrong  
But the feeling's gone  
And I just can't get it back_


	3. Chapter 3

"Tony, do you have the logs for the Matheson case?" Nina stood beside Tony's desk, looking through the file she was holding.

"Jack hasn't filed them yet? They should have been in there days ago." Tony shook his head. When was this guy going to learn to follow protocol? "Do you want me to ask him for them?"

"No, that's okay. I'll handle it." Nina climbed the stairs to Jacks office and knocked on the open door.

"Jack, do you have the logs for the Matheson case? Mason is looking for them."

He looked up from behind the mounds of papers on his desk, his tie askew. "They should be in – oh, crap. I forgot to file them."

"Well, where are they? I can file them for you."

He looked sheepish. "To be honest with you, I haven't done them yet. I've been working on the protocols for Al-Mir."

"Al-Mir? Tony is doing those." She was surprised. "I told you that last week."

"What? You did?" Jack groaned. "That's right. You did. Dammit."

Nina didn't know whether to panic or rejoice. The man had clearly been falling apart when he got back from Nightfall, but she thought she had finally got him back on track. This split with his wife wasn't helping. He was a great agent, but she had to admit that Tony was right; Jack was too much of a maverick to make a good bureaucrat. She'd invested too much time in him to have him go belly-up now. If she played it right, this could be the opportunity she had been waiting for. "Don't worry. I can help you out. Let's do them together."

xxxxxx

She slowly unbuttoned his shirt, sliding one hand inside onto his chest and the other considerably… lower. She was rewarded with a sharp intake of breath. She could feel she had his complete attention.

Nina kissed him. Slowly. Tasting his desire for her. She didn't have to fake her attraction to him. Jack was seriously hot, and he'd been running and working out more than usual since he and Teri had separated, no doubt to deal with the added stress. He was in fantastic shape. No, this had not been one of her more difficult assignments. Although now you could say it was getting harder. Definitely harder.

Months of making sure everything had gone smoothly for him at work had made her indispensable to him. Months of covering for him and picking up the pieces when he started to implode after Nightfall had earned her his gratitude. Weeks and weeks of subtle sympathy, of never criticizing him, of indulging his every whim since he split with Teri had made him trust her. And now? Well, now she had him by the balls, didn't she? She moved her lower hand skillfully.

"Oh, _yeah_," he groaned. She grinned wickedly, pushing him onto the bed.

"You're so good," he sighed. She laughed. "Oh, no, Jack. I am very, very bad."

xxxxx

They had caught a casual movie after work, and were standing in the parking lot saying goodbye. She made some dumb remark and he laughed, really laughed, for the first time in months.

_I'd walk away like a movie star  
Who gets burned in a three way script  
Enter number two  
A movie queen to play the scene  
Of bringing all the good things out in me_

Before he knew what he was doing, he had kissed her. He pulled back as if she were on fire.

"Nina, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that."

"Jack, it's okay."

"No, that was totally inappropriate. I –" His words were lost in her mouth. She pulled away, slowly, sensuously.

"I'm glad you did."

It hadn't been difficult to lead him to her bed. She just hooked a leash through the hole in his heart, and he followed her home like a puppy.


	4. Chapter 4

Jack sat in the bar, admiring the way the evening sunlight from the window shone through the amber liquid in the glass in front of him. It was a nice bar, a bistro, really; clean and bright. The kind of place people came on dates, not the sort of place people came to lose themselves in a haze of alcohol.

Jack didn't have either purpose in mind. He hadn't been drunk since the day Teri kicked him out. Much as Jack hated to agree with his father, the echo of Phillip inside his head had been right. It's not only the sorrows that get drowned, and Jack wasn't prepared to lose it all. He'd already lost enough.

He was here tonight because he just wanted to get away from the empty walls of his apartment, and he could only run so many miles a day. He had some thinking to do.

For the first time in his life, he felt truly lost. And the one person he wanted to talk it over with wasn't taking his calls. She had said "time apart" and it turned out she meant it. She couldn't cope with him right now. At all, it seemed. He'd called earlier that day, just to hear her voice on the answering machine. She'd taken his name off the greeting. She used to say "You've reached Teri, Jack and Kim." Now it was just "The Bauer residence."

His whole adult life, he'd had Teri by his side as his best friend, lover and confidant. Sure, there had been things he couldn't or wouldn't tell her, but that had mostly been for her own protection. But even when she couldn't know the details, she had been there for him. And he had blown it.

God, he missed her. Coming home to the apartment with the inflatable mattress and two crappy lawn chairs was starting to get to him. He'd lived in worse places during undercover operations, but they had always been temporary situations, and not really him. This was different. This was his real life. This was really happening, to _him_. His marriage might really be over. It hurt even to think it.

He stared through the window glumly, swirling his drink.

At first he had been angry. What right did Teri have to judge him? She had no idea what he had gone through, first with Nightfall, then with turning Henderson in. The people, the government, he'd trusted so thoroughly, had betrayed him. Coming home to her questioning eyes, having her nag at him for forgetting stupid stuff – what did it _matter_ if he forgot to unload the dishwasher when the fucking _world_ was falling apart? Instead of dealing with it, he'd allowed himself to become an angry, cold, son-of-a-bitch, even at home.

After a few weeks, though, he realized his anger was mostly guilt. Guilt for losing his men. Guilt for expecting her to understand what she had no way of knowing. Guilt for taking her for granted, for trying to make her feel as miserable as he did.

Now what he felt was resignation. Maybe she had been right. Maybe the only way to protect his family from his job was to live apart from them. It wasn't fair to her to put her through what his work did to him. That didn't make it easier, though.

An old Paul Simon song came on the bar stereo.

_They say losing love is like a window in your heart_

_Everybody sees you're torn apart_

_Everybody feels the wind blow…_

Jack allowed himself a small smile. Corny, but true. At least one person had been buffeted by the wind blowing through his life. Nina. Nina had been his rock the past few months. Every time he needed something—and he'd needed more than he should have—there she was, ready to give it to him. And not just for work. She understood him in a way that Teri could not. She knew what he was going through, and she knew how to help him find his way out of the darkness. It couldn't have been easy for her.

So when he had gone to the movie with her and she had been so relaxed and fun, he allowed himself to feel good for the first time in a long time. He hadn't intended to take it further. Her friendship was precious to him, and he's seen too many disasters to think it was ever a smart idea to get involved with someone at the office.

And yet…wow. He smiled again, more convincingly this time, and drained his drink, enjoying the burn as it slid down his throat.

Last night with Nina had been… spectacular. He hadn't planned it, and had been as surprised as she was to find himself kissing her. He had apologized immediately, of course, kicking himself for screwing up the best thing going for him right now.

But Nina clearly didn't have any hesitation about being with him. Normally Jack liked to be the one in control, but last night he had succumbed to her completely. After so long playing the strong man, it was a relief to be vulnerable. After she had sucked and pulled and teased and pounded every last shudder and groan and sigh out of him, after he had nothing left to give her, she lay on his chest and took his gratitude. Lying there with her still on top of him, he felt a modicum of peace.

He knew he should feel guilty. But he was so very tired. Tired of shame, and guilt, and anger. Why was it so wrong to feel good for a change? He never thought Jack Bauer would be with anyone other than Teri. It appeared Teri thought differently. So what was he supposed to do? Why not take comfort where it was offered?

He was so lost in his thoughts that he almost went for his gun when the waitress banged a new glass on the table in front of him. "Lady wants to buy you a drink," she said, tilting her head to indicate a blonde at the bar. Jack gave a small, almost silent laugh and bent his head. He stood up, carrying the drink in his left hand as he walked over to his benefactor.

"I'm sorry, I can't accept this," his voice was velvet as he raised the glass. She saw his ring for the first time.

"My mistake. Married, huh?"

He hesitated. "You know, I'm not sure I even know how to answer that right now."

"Well, maybe you'd better have the drink anyway, then. No hard feelings. Shame to let it go to waste."

He smiled and lifted the glass to her in a silent toast. "In that case, thank you." He drained it, set it down on the bar, and walked away without a backwards glance. He had to see about making his apartment more like home.


	5. Chapter 5

The photo in Jack's hand instantly took him back to that day. It seemed so long ago, but he remembered it vividly.

xxxxxxxxxx

Jack crouched behind the SUV, breathing heavily. The heat was starting to get to him. He wiped his forehead and checked his weapon. Almost out. He didn't think he'd been spotted, but he had to find out where they were. Carefully, he reached up and adjusted the side mirror so he could scan the shrubbery without revealing his position. Sure enough, he caught some movement. He counted one, two, three hostiles. _Dammit._ They had him pretty much surrounded, and he knew his backup was too far away to be of much use.

In front and to the left of his vehicle, he could see the hostage, tied to a tree. Jack knew these people. They would beat the hostage mercilessly until they had had got every last thing out of him. It wasn't fair, and Jack knew he was responsible for putting him in this situation. Truth be told, Jack had set him up. Yet Jack felt only slightly guilty. The guy was no terrorist, but he was a monster, nonetheless.

Jack checked his watch and planned his next move. The crunch of gravel behind him let him know his position had been spotted. He spun, aiming his weapon. Too late. His adversary got off the first shot, and Jack cried out as he fell, clutching his chest.

As he lay there, he heard confident footsteps crossing the gravel until his assailant was standing directly over him. "Did I hurt you, Mr. Bauer?" Jack could hear the others circling in from behind the vehicle.

Jack opened one eye and aimed, but before he could take his shot there was an explosion. The screams were unbearable. Jack reached his hands to cover his ears, his pistol still in his right hand, unfired.

"Mom!" Kim shrieked, turned her soaking body towards her mother. "Where did you come from?"

Teri laughed, lightly tossing and catching her unused water balloon in her right hand. "I was behind the shed. Pretty good aim, huh?" She looked down at Jack, still pinned down in the sights of Jessica's Super Soaker. "Sorry I was too late to save you."

Jack grunted. "Yeah." He smiled, then raised his watergun and squirted his daughter's friend, wincing at her renewed screams.

"No fair! I _totally _got you! You're _dead_, Mr. Bauer!" She started squirting back.

"Yeah! No fair! Let's get him!"

Jack laughed and writhed as he tried to dodge the onslaught of 5 eight-year-olds pelting him with water. Teri lobbed her final balloon for good measure.

"Hey! You're supposed to be on my team!"

Teri shrugged. "I guess we're taking some collateral damage," she grinned.

"Okay, okay! I surrender." He stood up, hands in the air. "Isn't it time for the piñata?"

"Yeah!" They took off at a run.

Teri took Jack's hand as they followed the girls over to the tree in the back yard, where Jack had rigged up a papier mache Mike Wazowski earlier in the day. "You okay, sweetie? Those mean girls rough you up?"

Jack gave a mock frown and pulled at his clothes. "I'm soaked!"

"Aw, poor baby." She held him at arms' length and looked him up and down. "The wet t-shirt look suits you, though."

"Oh you like that, do you? Maybe I should give you a biiiiig hug." Teri shrieked and ran away from him. He laughed and caught up with her, and together they helped Kim celebrate her birthday with her friends.

Xxxxxxx

Jack smiled sadly at the photo of Kim with her Monsters, Inc. birthday cake. He started to put it back in the box of things he had picked up from the house, but changed his mind and used a magnet from the local pizza place to put it on the fridge in his apartment. Kim had grown up so fast. It seemed she hardly even needed him any more. And Teri…when had they stopped being a team?

He closed up the box and left it on the counter. He'd go through the rest later. Right now, he needed to get out of here. He kicked off his boots and laced up his runners.

The phone started to ring as the door closed behind him. He hesitated, but decided not to go back for it. It was probably Nina, and he didn't really feel like talking to her right now.

As soon as his feet hit the sidewalk, he started to jog. Kim's voice echoed through his empty apartment. "Hi Daddy, it's me. Listen, Mom said she'd drop me off at your place if you can help me with this physics assignment? She's _totally_ hopeless, so I thought maybe you could help me? So if you're there, pick up…. Dad? Okay, I guess you're gone. Maybe I'll see if Vincent can help me. Okay! Talk to you later."


	6. Chapter 6

Teri flicked the switch but the bedroom remained in darkness. _Dammit_. Jack hadn't changed the lightbulb, _again_. She caught herself. Of course he hadn't. He hadn't lived here for months. What was he going to do, break in to do chores? She smiled at the image, but not for long. He really would have to break in. She had changed the locks.

She sighed and went to the cupboard in the hall to get the step ladder and a lightbulb. She was just replacing the cover when the door slammed. "Kim? Is that you?"

"Yeah, Mom." Kim rolled her eyes. "Were you expecting maybe the Queen of England?"

"Ha, ha." Teri was too tired to call her daughter on her tone. It seemed she'd been letting more and more slide lately, and Kim was willing to glide along as far as Teri would let her.

"What's for dinner?" Kim asked as Teri came into the kitchen.

"I don't know. What do you feel like making?" Maybe it was time to get things back on track. Kim had been cooking at least one night a week before Jack left. They'd agreed it was good for her to learn how to plan and prepare a meal so she wouldn't have to live on canned spaghetti when she went to college. Plus, neither of them minded sharing that responsibility after a long day at work.

"Me? You didn't tell me it was my night."

"I know. I was just hoping you might have some ideas."

"Yeah, well, I don't." Kim opened the freezer and pulled out the ice cream, reaching in the drawer for a spoon.

"Kim! You'll spoil your supper!"

Kim cocked an eyebrow. "Apparently not." She took a bite, baiting her mother.

"_Honestly_." Teri took the ice cream and put it back in the freezer. "How about pasta?" At least it wasn't out of a can…

"Whatever. I'm going to go study." Kim picked up her backpack and started towards her room, dialing her cell phone as she went.

"Study with the phone off!" Teri called after her. A blast of Green Day before the bedroom door slammed was Kim's only response.

Teri took a deep breath, pushed her anger aside, and started boiling water instead. Kim was so bitter at her for breaking up her family. Kim didn't understand what had happened, and Teri couldn't blame her. She didn't understand why her marriage was falling apart either. All she knew was that she couldn't have Jack around when he was like that. The silences, the anger, the drinking… it had all been so unlike him.

But that last night had been the worst. She had never been afraid of him before. For the first time ever, she had felt he might be capable of hurting her. And she knew enough about what he did for a living to realize that if he lost it, she might not survive. She knew he was a dangerous man. If he weren't, his career would not be going as well as it was.

She didn't want to believe that it would ever come to that. The Jack she married would never let any harm come to her. But he was no longer the man she had married. And she had known other wives who thought their men wouldn't hurt them, who had made excuses and denied the evidence on their bodies. She remembered Christine.

Early in Jack's career, when they had been living on base, Teri had found a friend in the quiet, petite woman down the block. Christine had always been so careful to have everything perfect – laundry done to a T, meals on the table at exactly the same time every night. She had taken Teri under her wing, instructing her in the ways a wife could help or hinder her husband's career. Teri had naively attributed Christine's obsessions to her ambition and an over-active Type A personality.

Once when she and Jack went over for dinner, Jack had offered to help Christine open a jar. For the rest of the night, Ted had been affectionate, frequently putting his arm around his wife and making comments about what a good woman he had. Teri had thought it was kind of sweet until she had met Christine two days later, her make-up not quite covering the bruise on her cheek. Christine confided that Ted had seen Jack touch her hand when she passed him the jar, and had been crazy with jealousy. His 'affection' had been his way of showing Jack she was taken.

"Silly, isn't it?" Christine had laughed weakly. "He knows I'd never cheat on him, but he says he can't help himself, he loves me so much." When Teri asked if she was sure she was safe, Christine smiled and touched her cheek. "Oh, he doesn't mean it. He was so sorry yesterday, you wouldn't believe it. He's just a big ol' teddy bear, really." Less than a year later she was dead, and Ted had shot himself.

So when Jack had put his hands on her neck that night, he had touched a nerve. Teri knew he had to go. But she hated it, nonetheless. She had come home to the empty house the next day and crawled into bed, crying until all she could do was lie there, curled into a ball, trembling. She mourned for her marriage, she mourned for Jack, but most of all she mourned for the thing she knew was broken in a way that could never be fixed.

She knew that even if he got it together again, even if they could ever get together again, she would always have that little bit of uncertainty. Did she think Jack could do what Ted did? Honestly? No. But the man who had come home that night had not been Jack. The seed of doubt had been planted, and would send out tendrils like the most stubborn weed, sprouting up through the cracks that inevitably appeared in any marriage.

It had taken her weeks to speak to him. Jack had called, but she hadn't answered. At first she felt he wasn't ready. His messages started out apologetic, but ended in anger when she wouldn't pick up. She was waiting until she heard the real Jack, not this belligerent imposter. Then she realized it was _she_ who wasn't ready. But now that he sounded better, more relaxed, she had started talking to him about organizational things, like when to pick up Kim, their finances.

She had suggested getting separate credit cards and bank accounts. She thought he would hit the roof, but it was almost scarier when he didn't. He just told her that he would do whatever she thought was best, and offered to bring over the joint cards. He'd rung the doorbell and stood at the door to hand over the envelope, not even asking to come in. He hadn't been inside since the day he'd left. The two things he'd needed he couldn't take with him, and he could make do without everything else.

And now Christmas was coming up.

She lifted the pot to the sink and watched the water drain away through the colander. She poured the pasta into a bowl and tossed in the shrimp sauce, putting the bowl on the table with the salad she'd made.

"Kim! Dinner!" She heard her daughter's door slam. Why could that girl not close a door gently?

"Mom, I've been thinking." Kim toyed with her food.

"Mmmm. What is it, honey?"

"I want to go and live with Dad." She didn't look at her mother. Teri put down her fork.

"I don't think that's such a good idea."

"Why not?" Kim was angry.

"Kim, listen, I don't think your Dad is ready for you right now –" How could she explain without turning Kim against her father? Teri knew how much Kim needed Jack, and somehow they still had a great relationship. Whatever Jack's problems, he had never taken them out on Kim. But phone calls and visits were one thing. Teri wasn't comfortable with the idea of Kim living with her father. Even if he had pulled himself together, Jack worked so much that Kim would be alone far more often than was healthy for a teenage girl.

"Why are you always picking on him?" Kim accused. "He's never good enough for you, is he?"

"Kim, it's not that. You don't know what you're talking about." _Oh, brilliant, Teri. That will fly._

"You've been such a bitch to him!"

"Hey! Do _not _talk to me that way!" Teri pointed at her daughter emphatically. Kim backed down a little, sitting back in her chair and glaring out from under her eyebrows.

"Is he coming for Christmas?"

Teri looked down guiltily.

"You haven't even called him, have you?" Kim was incredulous.

"No." Teri said quietly, her head down. "No, I haven't spoken to him about it yet."

"You're unbelievable. It's no wonder he left!" Kim threw down her fork and stomped off to her room, slamming the door to punctuate her point. Just in case her mother was in doubt about how she felt.

Xxxxxx

"Daddy?"

"Hey, sweetheart. How are you?" Jack wiped the knife on the bread and put the lid back on the jar of peanut butter. He hadn't had the energy to cook tonight.

"I'm okay." She sounded sulky.

"What's up?" He turned and leaned against the counter.

"Nothing much." Kim rolled over on her bed and started to doodle on the notebook in front of her, working up her courage. "This sucks, Dad. When are you coming home?"

Jack dropped his head and took a minute. "I don't know, sweetheart." He replied softly.

"I want to come and live with you."

Jack gave a wry smile as he looked around his bare apartment. He could see almost the whole place from where he was standing in the kitchen. He had a table and chairs now, but that was about it. He opened the fridge and took out a carton of juice. He was going to buy glasses, but he hadn't gotten around to it. He'd been spending a fair bit of time at Nina's. She never came to his place.

"I don't know if that's such a good idea, Kim."

"Why not?" Kim looked at the ceiling, trying to re-absorb the tears she felt forming in her eyes. "Your place isn't that far from school."

"Kim. Baby. Your mother needs you right now." His voice was velvet.

"Mom? Mom is _impossible_." Her annoyance was clear. Her pen started making angry black triangles.

Jack couldn't help but smile. She sounded exactly like Teri when she was fed up with Kim. "Kim, please. I know it's not fair to put this on you, but I need you to be there for her right now, okay?"

"Why, Daddy? It's _her _fault you're not here anymore. She's being such a bitch --"

Jack cut her off. "Don't talk about your mother that way, Kim." She could tell he meant it. He had his don't-fuck-with-me voice on. "This is _not_ her fault, you understand me?" Her sniffles told him she did. He swallowed and threw his head back, then leaned into the phone once more.

"Listen, Kim. I understand this is hard for you," he said more gently. "I'm sorry we have to put you through this. Your mother and I just have to work some things out. But our problems are our problems, okay? We don't want you to worry about them."

He was grateful to Teri for allowing him and Kim as much contact as they wanted. She could easily have tried to come between them, but the fact that she hadn't gave him some hope. He owed her his support. Maybe if she saw that they could still present a unified front as parents…. He couldn't quite give himself permission to finish that thought. Not yet.

"Well, are you going to be here for Christmas, at least?"

She had no idea of her ability to twist the knife. There was nothing he wanted more than to be home for Christmas, but he didn't see how that was going to happen.

"I-I don't know. I think we might have to do something separate this year, honey."

"That _sucks._ I really miss you, Daddy." She reached for some tissues. Looking at the ceiling hadn't helped and the tears had spilled over.

"I miss you too, sweetheart." He wiped his eyes with the back of his hand. "Listen, we'll think of something fun, okay? Maybe you and I can go to Catalina or something. I'll talk to your mother."

"How are you going to do that, Dad?" Kim asked sarcastically. "She practically won't even _speak_ to you, _god_!"

"Kim." He was firm again. "I will talk to your mother. We will work this out, I promise."

She was reassured. He always kept his promises. "Okay. I guess I should go study."

"Okay. I love you, Kim. I'll talk to you soon."

"Okay. I love you, too, Daddy."

Jack put down the phone and looked at his sandwich. He wasn't hungry anymore, but he forced himself to eat, washing the peanut butter down with juice from the carton as he tried to formulate a plan.


	7. Chapter 7

"Okay, then. Send Tracy a new PDF and let's get this off to press." Teri straightened and turned away from the graphic artist's screen to answer her cell phone. "Hello?"

"Teri, it's Jack."

Her stomach did a little flip. Typical. He was calling her at work, where he knew she couldn't get into anything. "Yes?" She walked further away from her co-worker.

Jack sighed a little. She sounded pissed off, and he needed her not to be. He took a breath. "I was wondering if you were free for lunch."

Her stomach curled into a hard little ball. She hadn't really spent any time with him for months, and the idea made her nervous. Nervous, but happy. She felt like she was in high school again and he was coming to pick her up on his motorcycle. "Um, okay." She checked her watch. "When?"

"As soon as you can. I'm downstairs."

Teri tightened her grip on the phone. Her palms were suddenly slippery. "Oh. Okay. Okay. I'll be right down." She hung up and walked to her desk to get her purse. Kitty looked up. "Heading out?"

Teri paused. "Yeah. I'm going for lunch."

"Want some company?"

Teri shook her head. "No, thanks. I've got some. Jack called. He's downstairs."

Kitty stared. "Really. Are you okay?"

"Yeah. Yeah, I'll be fine."

"Okay. Well, good luck." Kitty hated what was happening to her friends, but despite her warnings to Jack, she hadn't gotten involved, other than offering Teri regular sessions of tea and sympathy. This was something Teri and Jack needed to sort out on their own. Even though she secretly thought Teri might be better off without Jack and all of his complications, she could see how much her friend missed him.

A few weeks ago they had been browsing through the self-help section of the bookstore, only half in fun, and Teri had commented that there were tons of books on how to divorce, but almost none on how to get back together. "It's funny, isn't it? In our parent's day, it was unthinkable to leave. Now it's almost unthinkable that anyone would want to work it out."

Teri pressed the button for the elevator and smoothed her sweater with her hands. She pressed the button again. "Come _on,_" she muttered. She couldn't believe how excited she was at the thought of seeing him. She had to remind herself to breathe as she rode down. The doors opened, and there he was, across the lobby, staring intently at the elevator. A shy smile stole across his face when he saw her. Damn, he looked good. She loved him in that blue dress shirt. She walked over to him. "Jack."

"Teri." He risked giving her a one-armed hug as his lips brushed her cheek. His touch was electric and she pulled away without thinking. He stepped back quickly, shaking his head. "Thanks for meeting me."

She decided to keep her voice cool to mask the heat on her skin. "What do you want, Jack?" She saw the pain flash across his eyes before the mask went up. _Shit. Too cool._

"There's some things we need to talk about." He was all business, now. "Do you want something to eat?"

She shook her head and he opened the door for her as they started to walk, heading across the street to the park. They found a bench and sat without speaking. Jack turned to her and she questioned him with her eyes. "I wanted to talk about Christmas."

"Oh." She was taken aback. She had told Kim she would talk to him, but she'd been avoiding the conversation.

"Kim and I are going to Carol's," she told him.

He tilted his head, puzzled. "Carol's? But that's out of town."

"I know."

"I was hoping to spend some time with Kim, maybe take her to Catalina."

"Well, we're going to Carol's."

He leaned forward, frustrated. "Why didn't you talk to me about this?"

She shrugged, miserable. She was making a mess of this. "I don't know, Jack. It just seemed like the right thing to do. I need to be around my family."

He stood up, turning away from her, then turned back. "Dammit, Teri! What about me? What if I need to be around _my _family?" he saw her look and caught himself. He ran a hand through his hair, sitting down again. "Fine." He leaned an elbow on the back of the bench and rubbed his forehead. This wasn't going as well as he'd wanted. "I'm sorry. I just – I was just hoping to see her, that's all." _And you. I was hoping to see you._

She looked away, swallowing. "I'm sorry, Jack. I wasn't thinking. We can stay here."

"No. No, you're right. You should do what you planned. I'll take Kim for New Year's."

Teri bit her lip. "I already told her she could go to Stephanie's. Her family is doing their annual beach barbeque."

Jack managed to hide most of his irritation. "Fine." He closed his eyes. "When are you getting back from Carol's?"

"The 28th. You could do something then…" She watched him, wanting to smooth down the strand of hair that was out of place. He opened his eyes and she looked away quickly.

"Okay. The 28th."

"The 29th, Jack, if you want the whole day. We get back the 28th."

"Alright. The _29__th_." He stood up again, putting on his sunglasses. He turned to her as he dug his car keys out of his pocket. "I'll pick her up in the morning. At 8:00. Make sure she gets to bed in good time."

Teri stood up as well. "Yeah, I'll try." She took a step towards him and touched his arm gently. "I really am sorry, Jack. I don't know what I was thinking."

He snorted softly. "Yeah. Well, I've got to get back to work." They stood there a minute, then he turned and walked away. Teri sat down again, leaning her elbows on her knees and buried her head in her hands. She couldn't watch him leave her.

Xxxxxx

Nina slipped into his office, closing the door behind her. "Have a good lunch?"

"It was fine." He hadn't told her he was meeting Teri. And he hadn't told Teri he was seeing Nina. It was complicated.

Nina sashayed towards the desk, impishly holding her hand behind her back. "I've got something for you."

He smiled at her, intrigued. She always knew how to make him feel better. "Oh yeah?" He stepped out from behind his desk to stand in front of her. "I suggest you give it to me," he growled, leaning in close to her ear.

She pretended to squirm. "Not that, Jack. Although you might get some later." She stepped back and held up two tickets. "Handel's _Messiah_. Christmas day."

He leaned against his desk. "Shit, Nina. I just told Mason I'd work Christmas day."

Her smile faded. "What? Why would you do that?"

He shrugged. "I figured it was my turn."

"But Jack –"

"I don't want to talk about this, Nina. It's done. I'm sorry." He'd been in minefields less complex than this year's holiday.

She scanned his face. He was a good poker player, but she could read him pretty well. He was upset about something. Then it dawned on her. Teri wasn't going to let him see Kim on Christmas. How stupid was that woman? She obviously had no idea of the danger she was in. Every dumb move put her closer to losing Jack for good.

Nina straddled Jack's outstretched legs and leaned in to place her hands on the desk on either side of him. She tilted her head up, exposing her neck the way she knew he liked. "That's okay. I'm sure you'll find a way to make it up to me."

He glanced through his office walls at the floor below. No one was looking up. He risked a kiss, low on her throat where she smelled so good. "I will. I really will," he murmured, grateful for her understanding.

She could feel his body responding to hers. She leaned in a little bit closer for a moment, then straightened, swinging her legs back together as she stood. "Alright, then. I'll see you later?"

He shifted, adjusting his pants. "Yeah. I get off at six."

"Okay." She opened the office door and walked out. _I'll see to it that you get off later, too._


	8. Chapter 8

As Jack pulled up in front of the house a Joni Mitchell song came on the radio. He shut off the engine but left the radio on for a minute as he sat and looked at his home from the outside.

_It's coming on Christmas  
They're cutting down trees  
They're putting up reindeer  
And singing songs of joy and peace  
Oh I wish I had a river  
I could skate away on  
_

_But it don't snow here  
It stays pretty green  
I'm going to make a lot of money  
Then I'm going to quit this crazy scene  
I wish I had a river  
I could skate away on._

He knew they were away, and he'd already delivered the presents a few days ago: a new chess set for Kim, and a book of Jeff Wall photographs for Teri. He told himself he just wanted to check up on the place, make sure it was okay. Empty houses were easy targets over the holidays.

Teri had hung up some lights, threading them through low bushes in front of the windows. She must have set a timer, because they twinkled on now as the dusk wrapped itself around the house. There were timers inside, too. Lights came on in Kim's bedroom and then the living room.

_I wish I had a river so long  
I would teach my feet to fly  
Oh I wish I had a river  
I could skate away on  
I made my baby cry_.

He stared at the house so long he stopped seeing it, focusing instead on the images in his head. Teri used to make them go to the children's service at the Episcopal church in the Valley. In a city full of actors, it prided itself on having the least rehearsed pageant in town. Anyone could participate. They had a big pile of shepherd's headgear and angel wings in a back room and all the kids dressed up, sitting in the congregation until the carol that marked their cue. From tiny kids to teenagers, the front was always packed. They even had a pony and some 'shepherds' brought their sheep dogs. It was a zoo, but it was so warm and welcoming. Teri loved it.

Afterwards, when Kim had finally gone to bed, they'd sit in front of the fire and drink hot chocolate, laughing about how cute the kids were. They filled Kim's stocking and snuck away to separate rooms to fill one for each other. Then they went to bed and gave one another a gift they wouldn't show Kim: they always made love on Christmas Eve. Slowly, gently, peacefully. It was one of his favourite traditions.

_He tried hard to help me  
You know, he put me at ease  
And he loved me so naughty  
Made me weak in the knees  
Oh I wish I had a river  
I could skate away on._

He could picture a young Kim waking up on Christmas morning, waiting impatiently until 7:00 before she was allowed to run into their room, bouncing on the bed. She would be in her new Christmas pyjamas, the one gift she could open on Christmas Eve. They always went together into the living room to open their stockings before breakfast. Jack would make pancakes while wearing a goofy Santa hat. He and Teri would sip their coffee and watch Kim plough through her gifts, leaving a wide wake of wrapping paper and ribbons.

_I'm so hard to handle  
I'm selfish and I'm sad  
Now I've gone and lost the best baby  
That I ever had  
Oh I wish I had a river  
I could skate away on  
I wish I had a river so long  
I would teach my feet to fly  
Oh I wish I had a river  
I made my baby say goodbye._

The house was fine. It was time to go.

_It's coming on Christmas  
They're cutting down trees  
They're putting up reindeer  
And singing songs of joy and peace  
I wish I had a river  
I could skate away on._

Reluctantly, Jack turned the keys in the ignition and drove away.


	9. Chapter 9

A/N: This is my first attempt at writing smut. Sorry if it sucks!

-------

Jack leaned his arm on the door of Nina's car and turned in his seat to get a better look at her. The top of her BMW was down and her hair was whipping in the wind, but she didn't look like she cared. Her hands were relaxed and confident on the wheel as she took the corners a little fast, her arm lean in a fitted black sweater as she shifted the gears. She glanced at him.

"Are you cold?" It was a mild day for mid-January, but he was just wearing a dress shirt and pants and there was a breeze coming off the ocean. "I could put the top up."

He shook his head and adjusted his sunglasses. He loved watching her drive. She was so independent, so sure of herself. So good for him. After Christmas had been such a fiasco, he'd been a little down and she'd decided he needed some R&R. She'd taken it upon herself to clear his schedule and book a hotel in Santa Barbara. They'd both worked the early shift at CTU so although it was only mid-afternoon they were already almost there.

"Nina," he reached out a hand to put a stray lock of hair behind her ear, but the wind took it away again almost immediately. "Thank you for doing this."

She took her eyes off the road for a second. "Hey, I'm hoping it will be good for me, too," she grinned. "I'm no altruist, you know."

He laughed. "I'll do my best."

She handed the valet the keys as Jack grabbed their small suitcases out of the trunk. There wasn't enough to trouble a bellman. She took hers from him and rewarded him with a kiss before heading in to the front desk.

"Oh, Jack! We've got a view!" She dropped her bag and strode to the window, planting her hands on the desk in front of it and leaning towards the glass. The corner of his mouth twisted upwards as he appreciated _his_ view of her ass in her just barely office-worthy skirt.

He stole up behind her and nuzzled his face in the hollow where her neck met her shoulders, inhaling deeply. She was wearing his favourite perfume. She straightened and tilted her head as his lips moved gradually up the line of her neck to her earlobe. When he took her ear gently between his teeth she gasped. One hand came up to caress his hair. He loosened his grip as she turned to let her tongue seek his.

He put his hand on the back of her head as he tasted her, letting his thumb caress her cheek. The other hand went to her skirt, sliding the material up her thigh. Good girl. She was wearing stockings, not pantyhose. Just the way he liked. She did everything just the way he liked, even the things he'd never known he liked.

"Bend over," he growled.

She turned, rubbing herself against him and his hand went back under her skirt. He slipped a finger under the lace of her panties. She was already melting for him. He slid the panties down her legs, easing them over her high heels, and she planted her feet further apart.

She cried out as he entered her. He was forceful, insistent, hungry. Nina gripped the desk and smiled slyly out the window at the ocean until she felt the waves subside.

Xxxxxxxx

While Jack was safely in the shower, Nina took out her cell phone and checked in.

"Da." She listened to the woman at the other end of the line, then said quickly in German "What do you mean? I'm here with Bauer now."

"We know. We want you to pursue the link with Almeida. We're getting close, and you will need someone inside who trusts you when we make our move. Bauer might not be available always once we start."

"Okay. But it's going to take some time."

"We know. That's why we're telling you now."

_I wish you'd told me two days ago_, Nina thought. It was going to be awkward to end things now without Jack becoming suspicious. She had been gearing up to take their relationship to the next level.

"Okay."

"And Yelena?"

"Yes?" She glanced at the bathroom door. The water was still running, but this was taking too long.

"We think it would be best if Bauer went back to his family. It is to our advantage if he is close to them."

"Fine." She snapped the phone shut and replaced it in her purse just as she heard the water turn off. Jack came out of the bathroom, a towel wrapped low around his hips and another in his hand as he dried his hair.

"Where would you like to eat?" She had the local directory open beside her on the bed. Jack sat beside her and leaned in to nuzzle her neck.

"How about room service?" he mumbled into her sweater.

Nina smiled coyly. "No, I think we should go out."

They had dinner at an East-Indian fusion restaurant near the water.

The next day was warm, so she suggested they take a blanket down to the beach for a picnic. They stopped at a deli and picked up some olives, bread and cheese. Jack chose some prosciutto-wrapped figs and added some Orangina to the bag as an afterthought.

Nina chose a spot close to a family with a little girl and spread the blanket. She reached into her purse and took out a half-litre of wine from the mini-bar and two hotel glasses.

"Cheers," she poured his and lifted hers to her lips.

He laughed. "You think of everything." He took a sip and lay back on his elbow, spreading the Chèvre on a hunk of bread with his knife.

"Well, I did count on you to bring the knife," she teased. "I hope it's clean."

He held it up, examining it in the sunlight. "Yeah. Well, it was. It's not the best knife for cheese though."

He squinted in the sunlight, but didn't put on his sunglasses. Nina was glad. She wanted to see his eyes.

"Oh, look at the castle she's built with her dad." She directed his attention to the family nearby. "What a great moat. Do you think it will hold water?" The father and daughter were running up from the water with full buckets.

"Not a chance," Jack snorted. He watched them for a while, his smile fading.

"You miss them, don't you Jack?" Nina said softly.

He lowered his head and smiled wryly. "Yeah." He raised his eyes to her. "But I've got a pretty good thing going here, too."

"Jack –"

He waited, tensing. He sensed this might be one of those conversations.

"Jack, I don't know if I'm comfortable being the other woman."

"Nina, you're not –"

"No, Jack, I am. You still love Teri. I can tell."

He sighed and looked away. "Yeah." He met her eyes again. "Yeah, I guess I do. It's that obvious, is it?"

"You've been so down since Christmas."

"I'm sorry, Nina."

"Jack, don't be. I understand."

He reached out a hand to her face, running the back of one finger along her jaw. "You've been so good to me. I never wanted to hurt you."

She raised her hand to cover his, turning her head to kiss his palm, then holding it against her cheek as she gazed at him. "Jack, it hasn't just been one way. I've gotten a lot out of being together." _More than you know._

"You saved my life, Nina." His voice was serious, his face somber. "I don't know if I would have made it through this without you." He leaned over and kissed her tenderly. "Thank you," he whispered, resting his forehead against hers.

He was relieved that the drive back was so easy. Nina had been relaxed and companionable, laughing about the stupid thing Ryan had said, complementing him on how he had handled a difficult situation with Tony. He watched her with gratitude. It looked like everything was going to be okay between them.


	10. Chapter 10

Teri was startled to hear a voice beside her.

"You like that painting, I see."

She turned towards the speaker. A man about her age with brown hair and a salt-and-pepper beard was nodding at the canvas in front of them.

"Yes, it's one of my favourites." She wasn't sure how long she had been lost in it, but she guessed it had been a while if this fellow had noticed. The man leaned forward to read the label. "Titian. Venus and Adonis." He stepped back and tilted his head, looking at the painting from a different angle. "Titian's the one with all the redheads, isn't he?"

Teri smiled. "Yes. He almost always has a woman with red-blonde hair in his paintings. In fact, that hair colour is called Titian after him."

"She doesn't look very happy." The nearly nude woman with the hair was seated, twisting awkwardly to prevent the man beside her from standing up. She had a look of desperation on her face.

"She isn't. She's trying to keep Adonis from going on the hunt because she thinks it's too dangerous. But he's resisting her. He wants to go anyway. See the cherub in the background? That's Venus' son Cupid. He's asleep and his arrows are hung in the tree. That tells us Adonis isn't feeling the love. Look at his face. He's so cold and distant." She fell silent, staring at it for a moment.

The man nodded, then turned as a waitress approached with a tray of champagne. "Would you like one?" He took two glasses and handed one to Teri.

"Thank you," Teri said, to both the waitress and the man.

He raised his glass. "Cheers. I'm Phil, by the way."

"Teri." She clinked her glass against his and took a sip.

"You know a lot about art." It was both a statement and an invitation for Teri to tell him about herself.

"I guess." She shrugged modestly. "I've worked in a few art museums."

"Oh yeah?" He was impressed. "Do you work here?" He gestured at the large room filled with paintings and the well-dressed people who had come to see them.

"At the Getty? No. I wish. I was invited to this opening because a friend of mine curated this exhibit."

"Ah. I'm just a 'Friends Of' member. I'm a doctor by day."

She laughed. "Doctor by day, 'Friends Of' by night…"

"Friendly neighbourhood Getty Patron." He sung, then chuckled. "So what happens?"

"Hmm?" She was confused.

He indicated the painting with his head. "What happens to them?"

"Oh! Well, he dies. Venus is so heartbroken she puts a curse on love so that it will always end badly. Shakespeare wrote a poem about it after seeing this painting." She quoted:

"_Since thou art dead, lo, here I prophesy _

_Sorrow on love hereafter shall attend:_

_It shall be waited on with jealousy,_

_Find sweet beginning, but unsavoury end,_

_Ne'er settled equally, but high or low,_

_That all love's pleasure shall not match his woe."_

"Ouch." He was silent for a bit. "That's quite the memory you've got there." He was intrigued.

Teri blushed. "I used to read a lot of poetry." _Jack used to read it to me every night, when he was in school. _She grew thoughtful. "She was right, though. He shouldn't have gone. It was too risky."

Xxxxxx

That had been almost six months ago. Just a week or so after Jack left. After she told him to leave. Since then, Phil had become a good friend, willing to listen and able to make her laugh. She'd been flattered when he'd asked for her number, but she had hesitated to let it become anything more than friendship. He had made it clear he wanted more, but he respected her reluctance. He had gone through his own divorce two years ago, and he knew how long that hope could linger.

"You look tired." He slid into his seat at Tuptas, their favourite restaurant. The purple tablecloths, 80s brocade and woodstove décor made Teri cringe a little, but the food was excellent. They were there so often they were on a first-name basis with Henri, the manager.

"Thanks." She gave a short, hollow laugh. "But I feel so fantastic," she added sarcastically.

Her hand was resting on the table and he covered it gently with his own. "Is everything okay?"

She rubbed her eyes with her other hand. "Yeah. I'm sorry. I just didn't get much sleep last night. Kim got into trouble at a party."

"What?" He had never met Kim, but he had heard a lot about Teri's struggles with her daughter, and he was concerned. "Is she alright?"

"Yes, she's fine. She went to a house party with some friends and it got out of hand. Neighbours called the police."

"Oh, my god. The police?"

"Luckily one of Jack's buddies from the LAPD was on the call. He brought her home, but not before he called Jack." She took her hand off the table and crossed her arms.

"How did he take it?" Phil was apprehensive of Teri's husband. She'd told him about the night before she'd asked Jack to leave. As a reconstructive surgeon, he'd fixed a few bodies of women whose husbands had attacked them. And more than one of them had been in law enforcement. Ironic that the ones who kept everyone safe at work were sometimes the most dangerous at home.

"He was furious, of course. He came roaring over even though it was 3:00 in the morning." She sighed.

"What did he do?" He ran his eyes over Teri, subtly checking for injuries. "Teri, did he hurt you?"

"Jack? No! No, he didn't hurt me." She shook her head adamantly. "He just said his piece and left after he made sure Kim was okay." She shifted uncomfortably. "He blames me for not being able to control her. He doesn't understand how difficult she's being. She's all sweetness and light with _him_." She lowered her eyes. "I don't know what I'm going to do about her."

"Teri, it's not your fault. She's just taking the separation hard and acting out. That's normal." He leaned forward over the table, searching her face. "You're doing the best you can."

Her eyes met his. "Am I? I don't know, Phil. I wonder if I'm doing the right thing."

xxxxxxx

Jack laced up his shoes and started his run. He was dog tired, but he needed to clear his head. He'd just finished an 18-hour shift and had only been in bed for an hour, tops, when his ringing phone hauled him back to consciousness.

"Jack?" The voice on the other end was vaguely familiar. Jack was still only half awake and disoriented. "I've got your daughter." Instantly, he snapped to full alert.

"Who are you, you sonofabitch? What do you mean you've _got_ my _daughter_?"

The menace in his friend's voice took Fred by surprise. Then he realized that Jack probably didn't even realize his daughter was out. "Jack, relax. It's Fred Kirowan. I responded to a call to a house party about an hour ago. Kimberly was one of the kids at the party. I've got her with me now."

"Fred?" He hadn't caught up with his friend from LAPD Tactical for almost a year. They'd both been pretty busy. "A house party? Why were you responding to a house party?" Jack shook his head a little, trying to marshall his thoughts.

"A neighbour thought they'd heard gunshots, so they called us in."

"Gunshots?" Jack had turned on the light and was hurriedly putting on his pants. "Is my daughter okay?"

"Turned out to be firecrackers. Yeah, Kim's okay." He glanced at the girl slumped against the door of his cruiser. "She's been drinking, but I think she'll live."

The fear left Jack's body only to be replaced by anger. "If I don't kill her first. Let me talk to her." Fred nudged Kim and handed her the phone, returning his hand to the wheel when she grasped the phone sloppily.

"Your dad wants a word."

"Daddy?" Her voice was slurred.

"Kim, baby? You okay?" He didn't hide his concern.

"Yeah. I don't feel so good, though."

"Kim, what were you thinking? What were you doing at a party on a school night?"

"Vincent knew some guys…" She trailed off.

"_Vincent_, huh?" Figured. That boy was trouble. Of course, he had to admit that Vincent reminded Jack of himself when he was younger: a risk-taker, not afraid to question the status quo. But he knew what happened to girls who dated guys like him. They wound up with 15-year-old daughters before they hit 35. He didn't want that for Kim. "Does your mother know where you are?"

"No."

"Okay, give me back to Frank." Kim handed the phone back and held her stomach with a slight groan. He glanced at her nervously. She was looking kind of green around the gills. "Let me know if you need to stop, okay?" She nodded. He held the phone up to his mouth. "Yeah?"

"Listen, Frank. Take her to my house. I'll call her mother and meet you there."

"Oh-kay…" Meet him there? That was weird. Jack had obviously been asleep when he called. Why hadn't he been at home? "Oh, shit!"

"What? Frank? What just happened?" Jack could hear swearing and screeching tires on the other end. He pulled on his shirt and reached for his gun and badge.

"Ah, shit. She just puked in my car, Jack. Listen, I'll see you soon, okay?" He hung up and helped Kim hold her head further over the curb through the open car door.

Jack arrived at the house seconds before the squad car pulled up. Frank had kept the lights off, thank god, so the neighbours wouldn't be freaking out. Or nosy. Frank came around the car and opened the door, helping Kim out. Jack met them and put his arm around Kim, supporting her.

"Thanks, man," he told his friend. "I've got it from here." He looked over his daughter's head at the other man. "I owe you one, Frank."

"Yeah, you owe me a detailing," Frank replied ruefully, looking at his car. "Okay, well, give me a call sometime, hey?"

"Yeah." Jack grunted. "Thanks again." He turned Kim around and started walking to the house. Teri was waiting in the doorway.

"Oh my god, Kimberly! I can't believe you!"

Kim just rolled her head.

"Jack, I –"

Jack silenced her with a look. "I think we can talk about this in a minute, Teri. Right now, we need to get her into bed." She held the door for them as Jack took her inside and into the bathroom. He propped her on the floor against the wall and wet a washcloth to wipe her face. He looked up at Teri, who was leaning against the doorframe. "She'll need some pyjamas." Teri nodded and went to get them. Jack stepped out of the room while Teri helped their daughter into the clean clothes, then returned to carry her into her bedroom. He laid her on her side, one leg and arm bent out to support her safely. "You'll need to check on her. Who knows how much she's had to drink." He straightened and turned to his wife. "How could you let this happen?"

Teri stepped out into the hallway and he followed her. She turned, hissing "Let this happen? Jack, I didn't _let_ this happen! I didn't know she was out! She was in her room when I went to bed."

"How could she get out without you noticing? Dammit, Teri! She could have got in a lot of trouble tonight!"

"Don't you think I know that, Jack? What do you want me to do, lock her in?"

"Well, she shouldn't be out drinking!"

"Who do you think she learned that from, _Jack_?" Teri was furious. "You didn't exactly set a good example for her before you left."

Jack suddenly went still, then dropped his head, staying silent for a minute. "I know, Teri." He looked sideways, then raised his head to look at her. "It's not like that any more."

She studied his face. He looked… hurt. "Jack, I'm sorry. That wasn't fair." She took a deep breath and ran her hand through her hair. "I was just so worried." Her face started to crumple. Jack took a step toward her and enveloped her in a hug, tucking her head into his shoulder. "I know, Sweetheart. I know. So was I." They stood there, just breathing. Feeling each other for the first time in months. Jack was the first one to break away. He leaned back, looking into her eyes as he brushed a strand of hair behind her ear.

"Teri, I --" He stopped and shook his head slightly, catching himself. This wasn't the time. "I should go. Will you be okay?"

Teri pulled away, straightening her robe. "Yeah. Yeah, I'll be fine. Thanks for coming, Jack. I appreciate the help."

He nodded and took his leave.

Now it was the next morning, and as he ran, he thought about what this whole mess was doing to his daughter. He needed to be there for her. And Teri. The moment with Teri last night – he had felt her respond to him. She would have stayed in his arms longer, he was sure of it. The thought gave him hope. He wasn't sure that Teri would be open to it, but he wanted to move back in. He wanted to be a family again.


	11. Chapter 11

Teri stood at the counter, drinking her coffee and wondering what to do about Kimberley. Last night had been almost the last straw. And of course Jack had gotten involved. That was all she needed, having him think she was failing as a mother. The phone rang, interrupting her thoughts. She reached for it. "Hello."

"Teri, it's Jack." He had showered and changed after his run and was almost ready for work.

"Hi, Jack." Teri moved to the table and sat down, bringing one knee up against the table, preparing herself for the tongue-lashing that was sure to follow.

"I just wanted to make sure you and Kim were okay."

"Yeah, we're fine." Teri relaxed. This was a pleasant surprise. "Well, I'm pretty tired, and I sent Kim to school, so I can only imagine how she feels."

Jack grinned. "Nothing like a school bus ride with a hangover to make her realize the error of her ways."

"Yeah, that's what I thought." Teri laughed.

"Listen, Teri. I'm sorry I yelled at you last night."

She put her hand to her forehead, leaning her elbow on her knee. "That's okay, Jack. We were both pretty upset."

"I know. But it wasn't your fault." He paused. "You're doing a good job, Teri. It can't be easy on your own. I wish…" He raised his head and swallowed. "I wish I could help out more."

Teri could feel the tears rising. She cleared her throat. "You do?"

"Yeah," he replied softly. His cell phone started to ring and he cursed under his breath as he saw the number. It was Walsh. He couldn't ignore it. "Teri, I've got to go. Can we talk later?"

"I'd like that, Jack." She hung up the phone and held it to her chin, smiling for the first time in days.

xxxxxxx

"Thanks for meeting me, Jack. Have a seat." Richard Walsh indicated the chair across from him at the restaurant table. A menu was already waiting.

"Anytime, Sir." Jack pulled out the chair and sat. "Just water, please," he smiled at the waitress who had come to take his drink order. He picked up the menu and read it over quickly.

"The salmon's supposed to be good here," Richard commented, putting his menu down.

"Hmmm. Yeah, okay." Jack closed his menu. He focused on his boss expectantly.

"How are things going, Jack?" His slow, relaxed drawl was disarming, but Jack knew better. The two men were good friends, but Walsh was a busy man. He didn't set aside time for a lunch meeting without good reason.

"Fine. Jamie's been working out really well in her new role. I'm thinking about giving her a raise."

"That would be good." Walsh agreed. "I'm sure she could use the money. Any more fall-out from taking out Henderson and his pals?" Walsh kept his tone casual.

"Well, there will always be fall-out, but I can handle it. I think Almeida is finally coming into line."

The waitress returned with Jack's water and a glass of iced tea for Walsh. She took their order and their menus. Walsh waited until she'd gone before he leaned his elbows on the table. His tone became more serious. "I need to talk to you about Meyers."

Jack raised an eyebrow. "Myers, Sir?"

"Look, Jack, I know you and Teri are separated, and normally I would say this is none of my business." Walsh was clearly uncomfortable. "But when it starts affecting your job-. "

"With all due respect, Sir, I don't believe it _is_ affecting my job."

"I disagree. It affects how people see you. And sneaking around destroys trust, which, frankly, you can't afford right now."

"Sneaking around, Sir?" Jack let a touch of steel into his voice. "We didn't broadcast our relationship, but I'd hardly say we've been _sneaking around_."

"Mason told me the two of you got called into the office together a few weeks ago and arrived in the same car. Nina lied about you being on surveillance together. I can't have you lying about your whereabouts, Jack. You know that." He looked at his best agent disapprovingly.

Jack dropped his head, looking away to the side. "I'm sorry. You're right. That shouldn't have happened." He met Walsh's gaze. "It's over, anyway. We broke up soon after that." He wondered what Mason was up to. That had been almost two months ago. Why was he telling Walsh about it now?

Walsh relaxed and sat back in his chair. "I'm relieved to hear it, Jack."

"Yeah. Truth is, so am I," Jack replied.

He looked at his friend for a moment, working up to a question. "How do you do it, Richard?"

Walsh shook his head. "Do what, Jack?"

"You and Madeline. You've been married, what? Twenty years?"

"Twenty-five. Almost 26. The twins turn 23 in July."

Jack leaned forward, seeking an answer. "And you're in the business. You have all the same… stresses. How do you do it?"

The older man sighed. "To tell you the truth, Jack, I don't know. This life is hard on any marriage. Madeline and I have been through our rough times, believe me." He thought for a minute. "I guess it's like anything: you just have to want it bad enough. And every now and then, you have to let her know that you do." He chuckled softly. "I'm sorry, that's not much help."

It was Jack's turn to look thoughtful. "Richard, can I ask you a favour?"

Walsh nodded. "Of course, Jack."

"Can I borrow your Harley?"

xxxxxxxxxxxx

"Kim, it's Dad."

"Hey, Daddy. How's it going?" Kim sat at her dressing table, organizing her makeup.

"Good. Listen, Kim, do you know if your Mom has anything planned after work this evening?" It was a Friday night, and he realized he had no idea if Teri was dating. The possibility made him crazy. He knew it was a double standard, but he couldn't bear thinking about her with anyone else.

"Uh, I don't think so. She wants me to make dinner, so I guess she's coming straight home. Want me to go check?" She pulled the top off a liquid eyeliner. Still good. She put it back in the drawer.

"Are you going out later?"

"Uh, _no_. I was grounded, re_mem_ber?" She made a small stack of eye shadows, picking up a baby blue one and making a face before tossing it in the trash.

"Right, right." Jack nodded. "Okay, well, don't wait up for her, alright?"

Kim paused, nail polish in hand. "What's this about, Daddy?"

"Nothing, Sweetpea. I just want to talk to her about some things."

"Yeah, well, good luck with that. She's been in a pretty foul mood since the other night." Kim rolled her eyes.

"Okay. I'll talk to you later, alright?"

"Sure."

Jack hung up the phone and checked his watch. Plenty of time, but he should leave now, in case he hit traffic. He adjusted his sunglasses and revved the engine of Walsh's Low Rider before joining the flow of cars.

xxxxx

Teri stood on the sidewalk outside her office and stared in disbelief. "What is this?" _Midlife crisis, here we come. Oh, wait._

Jack leaned against the motorcycle and raised his sunglasses to the top of his head. "I thought maybe you could use some wooing," he grinned.

"Wooing."

"Yeah, you know. Where the man comes and sweeps the woman off her feet, and they ride off into the sunset together?"

"Jack…" She took a step towards him, looking around quickly to see if anyone else noticed this crazy man.

He stood up and met her halfway, his eyes serious as he searched her face. "Will you just come with me for a little while?"

She closed her eyes, crossing her arms and shifting feet. "I don't know Jack." She worked up the nerve to look at him, uncertain.

"Please, Teri. Just for a little while. I need to talk to you." He was begging. She didn't get to see him beg very often. And the other night when he'd come over to help with Kim, he'd been so angry, but there had been something different. He'd been angry like himself. Not like the stranger she'd kicked out. And then, when he'd held her in his arms… She decided to risk it. She needed to take a chance.

She checked out the bike. "Do you have an extra helmet for that thing?"

xxxxxxxxxx

"Where are we going?" Walsh had installed intercoms in the helmets, so she didn't have to shout. She held on tight to Jack's waist as they leaned into a corner.

"You'll see." Jack itched to really open it up and see what this machine could do, but he checked himself. He wanted Teri to feel safe with him.

"Where'd you get the bike?" She was having fun, but she hoped he hadn't bought it. They'd agreed motorcycles were too dangerous after Kim was born. She smiled ruefully. She was sure that these days he did plenty of things that were far more dangerous. Still.

"Walsh."

"Richard Walsh owns a Harley?" She was surprised.

"Yeah," he grunted. "Hang on." They had reached a stretch of highway along the ocean, and the road twisted and turned as it hugged the cliffs along the shore. He felt her arms tighten around him and smiled.

A few minutes later he turned off the highway onto a gravel road leading to the beach. He parked the bike under some trees near the sand. Taking off his helmet, he turned to his wife. "Remember this?"

Teri removed her helmet. "Oh, Jack." Of course she did. This was where she had lost her virginity. It was a small beach, hidden between two small headlands. Almost no one ever came here. Except them. They had visited often after they'd discovered it. Teri climbed off the bike and looked around. "It looks just the same."

Jack lifted himself off the bike and opened one of the saddle bags. He took out a blanket and a small insulated bag. "Come on." He started walking to some large rocks halfway up the beach. Teri stood and watched the surf for a minute before following him. He had spread the blanket and was starting to unpack some sandwiches when she sat down. He handed her one with a small smirk.

"Peanut butter and jelly?" Teri laughed. "Is there beer, too?" There was, although it was a better brand than the one they'd had all those years ago. "I can't believe you remembered." She smiled up at him. He had recreated the meal they had the first time they had come here.

"I remember everything, Teri," he told her seriously. He hesitated. "I remember how much I loved you then."

She took a swig of her beer. _Then?_ She looked away.

"I remember how we came here when you found out you were pregnant with Kim. I gave you my word that I would always be there for you." His voice caught in his throat. "I'm sorry that I haven't been."

"Me too, Jack." She didn't want him to see the tears that starting to come. She wiped her eyes with the back of her hand.

"I still love you, Teri." His eyes were full as he reached out his hand and gently turned her face towards his. "I wonder… I wonder if I could have another chance."

She met his gaze steadily. "Do you think that's a good idea?"

"Please, Teri. Hear me out. I know I've hurt you. I'm so sorry, Sweetheart. I went through a rough time at work, and it wasn't fair to take it out on you."

"No, it wasn't."

He dropped his head. She leaned down to catch his eyes again. "Jack – I wanted to help. I just didn't know how. You shut me out." She put down her beer, noticing he had hardly touched his.

"I know. I was wrong to do that." His eyes matched the pleading in his voice. "I want us to be a family again."

Teri felt the wall she had built around her heart begin to crack. The tears were flowing freely now. She reached in her pocket for a tissue. "I'd like that."

He hadn't realized how worried he'd been that she'd say no until the relief washed over him. He leaned forward and kissed her tenderly, tasting the salt from her tears. The hunger of her response took him by surprise. Her hands went to the back of his head, pulling him down on top of her. His mouth traveled down her neck to the hollow where it met her shoulders. She buried her nose in his hair and inhaled. "God, I've missed you Jack. I've missed you so much."

He paused, his face inches above hers. "I've missed you too, Sweetheart," he whispered. "I love you." She kissed him again, her tongue seeking his as her hands sought his belt. Jack pulled back, searching her face. "Are you sure? It's not too soon?"

She laughed. "Too soon? Jack, it's been six months. It can't be soon enough."

That was good enough for him. He kissed her, moving down her body. She lifted her hips as he pulled her pants over them. A thought occurred to him and he paused again. "Are you…?"

"Shit. No. I stopped taking them."

"Just a minute." He reached for his wallet. She decided not to ask why he might have something in there. _Maybe he had just been planning ahead._

He moved on top of her and she clung to him. It was true what they said about make-up sex. They knew each other's bodies so well, they responded effortlessly to each other. He gave a low moan and she cried out as they came together. Jack lowered his head onto her chest. "God, Teri."

"I know." She was out of breath. "Uh, Jack?"

He jerked his head up. "Oh, shit!" He rolled off of her. "Dammit! The condom broke."

He sat up. "I'm so sorry, Teri."

She was laughing. "It's more like the old days than you thought, huh?" she giggled, sitting up. She put her arms around him. "Only this time, we're already married," she whispered into his ear.

He snorted. "I think your Dad would still want to kill me."

"Oh, I don't know. You should see him moping around. I think he's missed you almost as much as I have," she teased.

He built a small fire with driftwood and they sat on the beach watching the sun go down, sipping their beer and eating their sandwiches.

"So, when do you want to move back in?"

"How's tonight?" he joked, tossing another stick on the fire.

She nodded seriously, thinking it over. "Okay."

"Okay? Seriously? Teri, I was just joking. If you're not ready…"

She turned to him. "No, Jack, I think I am. I don't know how we can work on being together while living apart."

"I guess that makes sense." He rubbed his forehead and took a deep breath. "Teri, there's something I have to tell you."

She thought about the condom in his wallet. _Here it comes_. "Jack, you don't. Not really."

He shook his head. "No, I owe you the truth. I was with someone while we were apart," the words tumbled out.

"Jack --."

"Someone from work," he continued, head down.

"Jack."

"It wasn't long, and it's been over for a while."

"_Jack_!" She put her hand on his arm and turned him to face her.

He stopped.

"I don't want to know."

"Really?"

"Really. Please. It's easier if I don't. Just… this is enough, okay?"

"Okay."

They sat for a few more minutes, holding each other quietly before packing up and putting out the fire. They put on their helmets and climbed aboard the borrowed motorcycle. As they reached the highway, Jack turned on the radio and Leonard Cohen's gravelly voice came through their headsets.

_Maybe I'm still hurting  
I can't turn the other cheek  
But you know that I still love you  
It's just that I can't speak  
I looked for you in everyone  
And they called me on that too  
I lived alone but I was only  
Coming back to you…  
_

The streetlights were coming on and traffic was light. The bike hugged the curves of the road.

…_And they're handing down my sentence now  
And I know what I must do  
Another mile of silence while I'm  
Coming back to you  
_

The beach was quiet, with the white caps of the surf catching the white light of the rising moon.

_There are many in your life  
And many still to be  
Since you are a shining light  
There's many that you'll see  
But I have to deal with envy  
When you choose the precious few  
Who've left their pride on the other side of  
Coming back to you  
_

Teri hugged Jack a little tighter as they turned off the highway into the city.

_Even in your arms I know  
I'll never get it right  
Even when you bend to give me  
Comfort in the night  
I've got to have your word on this  
Or none of it is true  
And all I've said was just instead of  
Coming back to you_

Jack steered the bike onto 10th and straightened out. He let go of one of the handlebars and moved his hand to rest on top of his wife's, where it held him tight across his heart. They were almost home.

- Fin -


End file.
